"But still, like dust, I'll rise"

I'm warning you in advance, I'm feeling emotional/deep/profound/hipster-ish for this post I'm about to write. Proceed with caution. Ha.

My body is broken. It is fundamentally and irreparably flawed in a negative way. Never will I have a celebrity body, with a six pack or arms the size of my head. It just isn't possible. When I go to the gym, I see guys who just love to stare at themselves in the mirror. I hate it. I literally loathe mirrors. Especially ones that show my entire body, with my little toothpick legs, awkward feet, and terrible posture. I also hate my shadow because it always shows my characteristic CMT swagger when I walk. It is a unwelcome reminder of my reality. I'm only 22 but damn, this disease has done a number on me. I think the most frustrating aspect is the dichotomy between how I look and how I feel. I still feel like a normal 22 year old. I still talk and act like one, but I don't look like one. And I can never change that. And I hate it.

Before you suggest I start depression meds, know this: Not for a single second of my life will I be held back by this hellish disease.

My body is broken, but my mind is strong.

My feet are weak, but my heart is unimpaired.

My self body image is terrible, but my resolve is extraordinary.

I used to be jealous of people with perfect bodies; jealous of people who could run marathons or dance like pop stars, but that is no longer. Jealousy like that is such a waste of time and energy. If I did not have CMT, I would be a different person. I would never have an appreciation of walking up a set of steps, I would never know the pain of a 12 hour day on my feet, and I would never have experienced the sorrow of a shallow rejection. Every one of these things has changed me, and I believe, rather I know, it was for the better.

I only have this single life, and I refuse to accept that CMT will ruin it. I will work as much as I can, I will learn as much as I'm able, I will pray as often as possible, and I will love without reservation.

.......

Alright, I'll get off my pedestal and remind myself that everything I've just written has been written by someone a billion times before me. Haha. None of this is new, it is just new to me.

Annnyyyywaayyy. Thank you all so much for your continued support. The love complete strangers have shown me restored my faith in humanity. I appreciate all of you more than you know. As a note, I stole the title of this post from Maya Angelou's famous poem: Still I Rise. I think that phrase is immensely powerful. All right, that's all I have tonight.

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Hakuna Matata,

Joey